How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
