Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
