um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
