The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize