I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
