Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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