I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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