if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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