Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
