every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
