Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
