I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
