my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this is an emotional support booty call
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
