what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
