So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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