I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
