nut hugger
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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