Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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