and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
