my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
