I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
