I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
