Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize