I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
