where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
