And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
