i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
