Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
