it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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