Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
