I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
