My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
