Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize