Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
