Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
