Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I only lived at night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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