Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Damn victory sex feels great
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
