I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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