I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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