Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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