I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
