How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
