the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
