We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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