yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
