currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize