yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
