So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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