I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
