This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
