i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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