dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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