Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
