I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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