Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We have started to decorate penises.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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