a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations! We have a period
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