We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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