I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
