he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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