it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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