Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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