Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize