sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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