I got her a Nickelback box set.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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