WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
