Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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