Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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