I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
