You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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