All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
