Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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