just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
