is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
