saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
