Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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