chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
