are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
