Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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