dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He shit in the fireplace
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
