Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
