the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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