Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
